My Open Letter to the Corporate Elitist One-Percenters aka “Job Creators”
Dear Great and Powerful Ones,
I am writing to you today to send my congratulations to you. I know that it wasn’t easy, but your perseverance has paid off. It has taken nearly three decades, but you never gave up, you never lost your resolve and for that you must be commended. Your drive and your fervent, unflinching determination are legendary. Again, congratulations, you have done it, you have successfully conquered the planet. Great job!
Yes, I know three decades is a really long time, but I am sure the wait has been worth the reward. I often wonder what you must have been feeling when Ronald Reagan was elected to be the President of the United States. Now that guy could get things happening for you! He really helped rid the country of that nasty, wealth-inhibiting, product of Franklin Roosevelt called The New Deal once and for all. Your game plan was superb and one might say you are a master chess player in the game of global dominance. You knew that to set this plan in motion you needed money, lots of money. Earning money would take far too long, so you devised a better, more efficient way of obtaining the funds needed for such a monumental task. Deregulating the banking industry was a sheer stroke of genius! I am truly in awe of how well that worked for you. You were able to easily and, quite successfully I might add, concentrate the wealth of the country into your pockets. The first, and most important step was done.
I know it wasn’t all an easy ride for you. There were lots of people that you needed to get on board with your master plan. That was where you were so amazingly clever! You used your accumulation of wealth to pay these people to pave the way for you. How resourceful! With the kind of wealth that you obtained, the sky was the limit with what you could do because everybody knows that money makes the world go ‘round.
You knew, however, that deregulation of the banking industry couldn’t be your only cash cow. You were always smarter than that. You very adeptly managed to create a cash cow mechanism like no other, the perpetual war machine. This machine is so astoundingly good at channeling tax-payer money directly into your pockets that it still dumbfounds me. The best part about it was that you made war seem like it was just a normal part of our society. You lulled us to sleep with your ceaseless campaigns in the middle east. The really good one that you pulled on us was with the idea of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That whopper fooled a lot of people, good job! Oh, wait, I must back up a bit. We can’t forget September 11, 2001. You outdid yourself with that one. You managed to take the events of one morning (C,mon now, did you have something to do with that? You can tell me, I won’t say a word.) and strip civil liberties away from the whole country in one easy swoop. The Patriot Act was a masterpiece! You were able to implement the greatest of all governmental departments, The Department of Homeland Security. The power that the name exudes just makes me shudder with awe. I feel so secure now and I should thank you for making me feel that way. I am also so flabbergasted at how you managed to siphon more tax-payer money into your pockets on the global search for the person you think committed those heinous acts on September 11. Ingenious!!
Your astuteness really knows no ends. You have triumphantly taken over the food supply and managed to genetically modify the food that we eat. You were very crafty with how you did it too. This genetically modified food, as you know, isn’t good for us to eat. In fact, it makes us sick. That’s okay though, because it is part of your master plan. If people pay money for the food that makes them sick, surely they will pay for health care that will mask the problems for them. Wow! Your brilliance is beyond comprehension! You created another cash cow. Have I congratulated you on that yet?
Oh and one other thing, you have done a great job in shutting those pesky scientists up about climate change. Why would we ever want to hear about global warming? That’s no fun! It is easier just to discredit them than change our ways to sustainable energy sources. Yes, I know you know we have the technology, but why change what has always worked, right? You definitely know best.
So, to sum things up, you have really done an outstanding job in your conquering of the earth. You should be commended and given thrones on high where you can look down upon the peasants. After you step over the homeless, the sick, and the elderly on your way to the palace, you can drink expensive champagne, because after all, you have earned it. I am sure that your children, grandchildren, and subsequent generations will all be proud of you. Oh wait, the earth will be uninhabitable by then. Not to worry though, I am sure you have a plan for that too…
Forever indebted to you,